Soooo tired

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.  Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing." Psalm 34:8-9

I woke up today feeling like I never slept.  It's so hard when I have days like these.  It's  hard not to eat a lot on these days because when I don't have a ton of energy I also tend to get bored...which leads to eating.  It's gonna be a rough one lol.  I just have to remember that "food cannot ultimately relieve pain, stress, or boredom-only God can"!  I'm trying to repeat Psalm 81:10 to myself when I feel the need to eat when I'm not really hungry. " I am the Lord Your God, who brought you up out of Egypt.  Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."  I've found that this doesn't just work with food too.  I try many other ways to fill up.  With relationships, spending money, and many other things.  While these things do work for a time, I always have the same end result. I'm empty again soon after. 
    Today was a good day all and all.  I'm still exhausted but I managed to keep myself under control for the most part.  Emma is teething I think and has been very fussy lately.  All the kids have been grumpy and on edge for the past few days though.  I'm sure that they sense the stress that John and I are under.  The boys also know that he is leaving.  John starting packing today and they are picking up his things tomorrow.  It kinda makes everything real.  I am sooo grateful that he's just going to Korea and that he's not going to be in a war zone, but a year apart is tough.

Official day 1 Weigh in at 190

I am going to write throughout the day so that I don't forget stuff.  I got up early and got on the elliptical for 15 min and then did a few ab workouts.  I didn't work out for a week so I will be working back up to my 45 min workout.  It shouldn't take long though.  My memory verse for the week is "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.  Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing." Psalm 34:8-9.  It's hard to trust God nowadays.  We over spend and buy waay to much to prepare for the future rather than trust that God will provide.   "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money (or food). Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. f that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:24-34   This is one of my favorite passages.  I tend to worry......a lot.  I worry about the future, the past, the present, and any time in between.  I have a lot of trouble trusting that God will take care of me and my family.  I stock up on extra food and stuff just in case.  The trust issue also coincides with the eating as well.  God can fill you up like nothing else if you let Him.  I just have a hard time trusting that He can.  In my mind it just doesn't make sense.  I have been using food to fill up my "aching place" for so long that it's hard to believe that God can really truly fill that place.  It's a lie that satan loves for us to believe and we've been told all our lives that food or other things can fill us up.  In all the movies where does everyone automatically run when they have been hurt?  They pull out a big gallon of ice cream.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone go through a bad break up and call their girlfriends over for Bible study and prayer, but that is the only thing that ultimately would help.  I know personally after I eat a ton of junk I end up feeling more empty than I started out with.  It only helps during the time that I am actually eating.
      

First Blog Ever

    So I don't really know where to start with this so I guess I will just write from the heart.  Let me just start with the fact that I am not a writer, so you will have to excuse grammer and stuff lol.  I am a military wife with 4 amazing children.  Braden is 5 and will be 6 on May 3.  He started kindergarten this year and he is so sweet and kind.  Ethan is 4 and is in preschool.  He is my lively one.  He gets into trouble a lot, but he always has everyone laughing and is quick to try and make people feel better.  Kylie is 2 and a half and she the mother hen.  She watches over everyone and hates it when someone is hurt or upset.  Emma is almost 16 months and she is just adorable and is always giving hugs.
    I have been married almost 8 years now to the most amazing man in the world.   He makes me laugh like no one else can and makes sure my every need is taken care of.  We bought a house recently and are hoping that his job doesn't take us away from it, but such is the army life.  My husband will be leaving for Korea in a few weeks and we are busy prepping for that and his leaving also brings me to the real reason for this blog.  As he is leaving on his journey, I have decided to go on a journey of my own.  One of self discovery (I know, very cliche and Eat, Pray, Love lol).  I have struggled my whole life from insecurity and overeating.  During this year, I am going to try and get to the root of these problems and hopefully start solving them.  I will be starting the Bible study the Woman Of Moderation along with bible reading and maybe some other books that I will be quoting periodically.  I would love other peoples insights to things as well.  I am not largely overweight but still need to loose about 50 lbs or so and am hoping to accomplish that this year as well.  I have come to discover that I don't need to diet.  I need to get how much I eat under control, along with what I eat.  Also I need to eat to live, not live to eat.  Right now, I turn to food for everything.  Even the good things.  Food is truly a gift from God and should be enjoyed but just like any other idol, when we let it control us then it becomes a problem.